Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Patiently waiting!

Well I'm cleared to go to my physician on tuesday, I'll be getting a physical & referral thru the commuter system for my appt on wednesday. I'm anxiously waiting for my period to start, the sooner the better so I can get an exam with out it. Don't know exactly what they are going to do during the physical exam. They may look down there, I don't want any blood to be there if they do. I wonder if they are going to do that hysto..... thing, I forgot how to pronounce & spell the word. I guess we just have to wait for next week.

Monday, October 29, 2007


I made my appt today for my primary physician, it's next tuesday at 6pm. 1 day before my RE visit. I need them to do a referral over the computer system, they said it will be in by the time of my appt. Talk about last minute.
They almost couldn't get me in because I'm a new patient. But because I told her that I needed the referral by Nov.7th she found a slot for me. I told her THANY YOU SO MUCH.
Now hopefully my boss clears me. I think he will because I need this appt really really bad. We'll see what happens.
I didn't stress this weekend over the situation. I'm trying to stay calm cool & relaxed and putting it all in the Lords hands.

I can say that I do feel depressed and I don't think it's about my RE visit. It's just other things in life. I didn't even want to get outta bed today. I just wanted to crawl into a hole & stay in so no one could bother me. I wish I could be a stay at home mommie, but I have too much student loans for that. My husband couldn't afford to pay it off. And I want to live in a big house, which will require BIG BILLS, so I'll have to work. Maybe in a couple of years I could work part time, 2 or 3 days a week. Just enough to pay the bills, though there won't be much left for extra. My husband is in school too so he can make some more money for us.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Too much mess so little time

Well right now, I'm having insurance issues. I have brand new insurance starting nov 1, and I need a referral letter from my new primary physican for my appt for nov 7. Bad thing is I've been trying for 2 days to get in contact with the new physican, i even left a message, i haven't gotton in contact. If I can't get in contact with them by tuesday oct 30th, i'm calling my insurance company and switching back to my old primary physican, it's not a thing that i want to do, but i may have to just because i need this letter to learn my future soon.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Things that stresses me out & solutions

1) Not being able to get pregnant
2) I hate my job

I think those are the only 2 things at the moment


1) Wait until we've met with the Doctor's on Nov 7th, maybe I won't need IVF, maybe I'm pregnant already. Don't stress out yet till I know ALL the details. Let it go for now.
Ahhh that feels so much better already.

2) Well I'm in a 1 year contract. Can't do nothing about it now. Just be nice & humble, and think about paying my bills & the beautiful home that we will move into next year. Also this job will be over next year.

Now writing all this down doesn't make me all sad. I feel good knowing that there were only 2 stressors in my life. Both will be resolved, it will take time.

Which sucks, patience isn't one thing I'm the best at. But I will just have to wait it out.

So much pain

It's very difficult to hear that someone else may be pregnant. How do you deal with something like that.
Especially if I'm not able to conceive a child of my own.
It breaks my heart. I don't know how I can take this or how much of it I can take.
At this point I'm just ready to do this IVF to have a baby.
I'm so miserable.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I just wanna cry

We got back the semen analysis results. Husband has bad mophology 4%. It's suppose to be 15% or higher.
Nov 7th is my RE appt. I hope everything is fine with me.

Looks like IVF may be in our future. I just pray that those 4% little swimmers got up there and beat the 96% bad ones to the egg.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

No baby as of yet

Still not pregnant yet, still haven't received the semen analysis results yet, still waiting to ovulate, still waiting for November to make an appt with the RE

This waiting game sucks. I'm trying to think of positive things in my life right now.

I also don't have a female to talk to about it, accept people online, but family I haven't said anything to them about it. We are trying to keep things quiet till we know what the deal is. I just have to express all my feelings in this blog till the day I become pregnant.

This waiting game sucks.....

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

So depressed, angry

I think someone at work is pregnant!!!!!

I just want to scream. Why can't it be me :(

This shit is so depressing. It's so hard dealing with the pain. I just want to cry.

At least next month I'll see the specialist. It's so hard to look on the bright side.

What is wrong with me, WHY AM I NOT PREGNANT YET

Something definately is wrong with one of us.

We should get the semen analysis results sometime this week.

I pray that it's good.

Friday, October 5, 2007

The hardest part

The hardest part of this whole TTC journey is the waiting.

The waiting to see what's wrong inside both of us.

The waiting to see when GOD will bless us with a child.

The stress it brings to your life.

Waiting, it's the hardest part.

Everyday it RAINS!!!!!!!!!

Everyday someone is pregnant, and it puts a little disappointment in my heart :( that it's not me yet.
My period came. I'm on cycle day 3 now. I made the call to the fertility specialist they told me since I'm switching insurance in November just to wait till November to make an appointment. That was the most scariest call I had to make. I felt numb, disappointed inside. All my insurance will cover is diagnostic tests. I just want to make sure everything is fine, that I don't have fibroids, endometriosis, blocked tubes etc.
Then we will have to save money up for treatment, if needed.
Hubby submitted the semen sample on wednesday. He should hear something by next wednesday.
That's all the update for now.