So depressed, angry

I think someone at work is pregnant!!!!!

I just want to scream. Why can't it be me :(

This shit is so depressing. It's so hard dealing with the pain. I just want to cry.

At least next month I'll see the specialist. It's so hard to look on the bright side.

What is wrong with me, WHY AM I NOT PREGNANT YET

Something definately is wrong with one of us.

We should get the semen analysis results sometime this week.

I pray that it's good.

The hardest part

The hardest part of this whole TTC journey is the waiting.

The waiting to see what's wrong inside both of us.

The waiting to see when GOD will bless us with a child.

The stress it brings to your life.

Waiting, it's the hardest part.

Everyday it RAINS!!!!!!!!!

Everyday someone is pregnant, and it puts a little disappointment in my heart :( that it's not me yet.
My period came. I'm on cycle day 3 now. I made the call to the fertility specialist they told me since I'm switching insurance in November just to wait till November to make an appointment. That was the most scariest call I had to make. I felt numb, disappointed inside. All my insurance will cover is diagnostic tests. I just want to make sure everything is fine, that I don't have fibroids, endometriosis, blocked tubes etc.
Then we will have to save money up for treatment, if needed.
Hubby submitted the semen sample on wednesday. He should hear something by next wednesday.
That's all the update for now.

Seriously Depressed!!!

Dh is getting his sperm tested on wednesday. I'm going to see the GYN on monday.
I am 9dpo, charts looking good, but I started feeling cramps today.
I just want to cry, I feel so discourged.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want to do an early pregnancy test because it may come out negative.
I don't know how much more disappointment I can take with all this.

1st step in seeing what's wrong with me or him.

Well I made a doctors appointment for October 1st. I will see my GYN first for a consult visit. She told me I will be pregnant in 1 year, and guess what? It hasn't happened.
My husband made an appointment for September 20th for his doctor.
He's a bit embarresed. I'm not anymore. I just want to verify that everything is fine with us, and what can we do to speed up the process.

Today at work I saw a woman who was pregnant. She got married around the same time my husband & I did. To see her pregnant I was a tad bid sad for me, but happy for her.

Well I'll have to update you after the appointment.
Wish us luck

A note from fertilityfriend.com

In most cases, you should not discard temperatures, even if they were taken under less than ideal circumstances and do not look pleasing on your chart. Usually Fertility Friend is able to detect your ovulation and give you a good interpretation even with a few "odd" temperatures. It is best to include them and make a note of the circumstances. When a temperature is not accurate and is preventing you from getting a reasonable analysis, then you can consider discarding the temperatures, though you may want to ask for support before doing so. Never discard temperatures to "shape" your chart to make it look pleasing to you.

That last part is extremely funny. While going over my chart today I noticed that my temperature took a dive for the worst. However I slept with the window open and it was 60 degrees outside & I was freezing in my sleep. I even dreampt about being cold. My temp was 97.78. However when I took a nap this afternoon, and the temp outside was in the 80's, I took my temp to see how it was & it was 98.48, back on track. LOL
I am now 14 days past ovulation. 2 negative pregnancy tests. I guess I'll wait till 18 dpo. Where is my period??? I definately don't want it to come, but if feels like it is but hasn't showed it's ugly face.

Very Happy.

I hope I'm pregant. It would be amazing for us to be pregnant.

Purpose of Life

I just took a pregnancy test that is negative. I'm also tipsy as I type this. What is the purpose of being alive if I can be a mommy. What is the purpose of being alive if I can't conceive. What is my purpose of life. What was the purpose of me going to school, doing everything like I was suppose to do. Find a husband, get married, if I can't have a baby. What is the purpose of life. What will I do when I'm 60 & all alone, no brothers, no sisters, no friends, no children. How will my husband love me, if I can't make any babies for him?? Who will take care of us when we age.
What is the purpose of LIFE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????