PREGNANT!!!!

It finally happened. I am blessed to be a MOMMY!!!!

Took 2 tests this morning. I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No period

No period today & my temp went up!!!!

Hmm, what could this mean. If I have to test I'll test saturday morning if it's still not there.

But if it does come I hope it comes today or tomorrow because I have my exam on wednesday, and I need 6 days to get all of that blood out of my system.

Patiently waiting!

Well I'm cleared to go to my physician on tuesday, I'll be getting a physical & referral thru the commuter system for my appt on wednesday. I'm anxiously waiting for my period to start, the sooner the better so I can get an exam with out it. Don't know exactly what they are going to do during the physical exam. They may look down there, I don't want any blood to be there if they do. I wonder if they are going to do that hysto..... thing, I forgot how to pronounce & spell the word. I guess we just have to wait for next week.

GOD IS GOOD

I made my appt today for my primary physician, it's next tuesday at 6pm. 1 day before my RE visit. I need them to do a referral over the computer system, they said it will be in by the time of my appt. Talk about last minute.
They almost couldn't get me in because I'm a new patient. But because I told her that I needed the referral by Nov.7th she found a slot for me. I told her THANY YOU SO MUCH.
Now hopefully my boss clears me. I think he will because I need this appt really really bad. We'll see what happens.
I didn't stress this weekend over the situation. I'm trying to stay calm cool & relaxed and putting it all in the Lords hands.
I can say that I do feel depressed and I don't think it's about my RE visit. It's just other things in life. I didn't even want to get outta bed today. I just wanted to crawl into a hole & stay in so no one could bother me. I wish I could be a stay at home mommie, but I have too much student loans for that. My husband couldn't afford to pay it off. And I want to live in a big house, which will require BIG BILLS, so I'll have to work. Maybe in a couple of years I could work part time, 2 or 3 days a week. Just enough to pay the bills, though there won't be much left for extra. My husband is in school too so he can make some more money for us.

Too much mess so little time

Well right now, I'm having insurance issues. I have brand new insurance starting nov 1, and I need a referral letter from my new primary physican for my appt for nov 7. Bad thing is I've been trying for 2 days to get in contact with the new physican, i even left a message, i haven't gotton in contact. If I can't get in contact with them by tuesday oct 30th, i'm calling my insurance company and switching back to my old primary physican, it's not a thing that i want to do, but i may have to just because i need this letter to learn my future soon.

Things that stresses me out & solutions

1) Not being able to get pregnant
2) I hate my job

I think those are the only 2 things at the moment

Solutions

1) Wait until we've met with the Doctor's on Nov 7th, maybe I won't need IVF, maybe I'm pregnant already. Don't stress out yet till I know ALL the details. Let it go for now.
Ahhh that feels so much better already.

2) Well I'm in a 1 year contract. Can't do nothing about it now. Just be nice & humble, and think about paying my bills & the beautiful home that we will move into next year. Also this job will be over next year.

Now writing all this down doesn't make me all sad. I feel good knowing that there were only 2 stressors in my life. Both will be resolved, it will take time.

Which sucks, patience isn't one thing I'm the best at. But I will just have to wait it out.

So much pain

It's very difficult to hear that someone else may be pregnant. How do you deal with something like that.
Especially if I'm not able to conceive a child of my own.
It breaks my heart. I don't know how I can take this or how much of it I can take.
At this point I'm just ready to do this IVF to have a baby.
I'm so miserable.

I just wanna cry

We got back the semen analysis results. Husband has bad mophology 4%. It's suppose to be 15% or higher.
Nov 7th is my RE appt. I hope everything is fine with me.

Looks like IVF may be in our future. I just pray that those 4% little swimmers got up there and beat the 96% bad ones to the egg.

No baby as of yet

Still not pregnant yet, still haven't received the semen analysis results yet, still waiting to ovulate, still waiting for November to make an appt with the RE

This waiting game sucks. I'm trying to think of positive things in my life right now.

I also don't have a female to talk to about it, accept people online, but family I haven't said anything to them about it. We are trying to keep things quiet till we know what the deal is. I just have to express all my feelings in this blog till the day I become pregnant.

This waiting game sucks.....

So depressed, angry

I think someone at work is pregnant!!!!!

I just want to scream. Why can't it be me :(

This shit is so depressing. It's so hard dealing with the pain. I just want to cry.

At least next month I'll see the specialist. It's so hard to look on the bright side.

What is wrong with me, WHY AM I NOT PREGNANT YET

Something definately is wrong with one of us.

We should get the semen analysis results sometime this week.

I pray that it's good.

The hardest part

The hardest part of this whole TTC journey is the waiting.

The waiting to see what's wrong inside both of us.

The waiting to see when GOD will bless us with a child.

The stress it brings to your life.

Waiting, it's the hardest part.

Everyday it RAINS!!!!!!!!!

Everyday someone is pregnant, and it puts a little disappointment in my heart :( that it's not me yet.
My period came. I'm on cycle day 3 now. I made the call to the fertility specialist they told me since I'm switching insurance in November just to wait till November to make an appointment. That was the most scariest call I had to make. I felt numb, disappointed inside. All my insurance will cover is diagnostic tests. I just want to make sure everything is fine, that I don't have fibroids, endometriosis, blocked tubes etc.
Then we will have to save money up for treatment, if needed.
Hubby submitted the semen sample on wednesday. He should hear something by next wednesday.
That's all the update for now.

Seriously Depressed!!!

Dh is getting his sperm tested on wednesday. I'm going to see the GYN on monday.
I am 9dpo, charts looking good, but I started feeling cramps today.
I just want to cry, I feel so discourged.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want to do an early pregnancy test because it may come out negative.
I don't know how much more disappointment I can take with all this.

1st step in seeing what's wrong with me or him.

Well I made a doctors appointment for October 1st. I will see my GYN first for a consult visit. She told me I will be pregnant in 1 year, and guess what? It hasn't happened.
My husband made an appointment for September 20th for his doctor.
He's a bit embarresed. I'm not anymore. I just want to verify that everything is fine with us, and what can we do to speed up the process.

Today at work I saw a woman who was pregnant. She got married around the same time my husband & I did. To see her pregnant I was a tad bid sad for me, but happy for her.

Well I'll have to update you after the appointment.
Wish us luck

A note from fertilityfriend.com

In most cases, you should not discard temperatures, even if they were taken under less than ideal circumstances and do not look pleasing on your chart. Usually Fertility Friend is able to detect your ovulation and give you a good interpretation even with a few "odd" temperatures. It is best to include them and make a note of the circumstances. When a temperature is not accurate and is preventing you from getting a reasonable analysis, then you can consider discarding the temperatures, though you may want to ask for support before doing so. Never discard temperatures to "shape" your chart to make it look pleasing to you.

That last part is extremely funny. While going over my chart today I noticed that my temperature took a dive for the worst. However I slept with the window open and it was 60 degrees outside & I was freezing in my sleep. I even dreampt about being cold. My temp was 97.78. However when I took a nap this afternoon, and the temp outside was in the 80's, I took my temp to see how it was & it was 98.48, back on track. LOL
I am now 14 days past ovulation. 2 negative pregnancy tests. I guess I'll wait till 18 dpo. Where is my period??? I definately don't want it to come, but if feels like it is but hasn't showed it's ugly face.

Very Happy.

I hope I'm pregant. It would be amazing for us to be pregnant.

Purpose of Life

I just took a pregnancy test that is negative. I'm also tipsy as I type this. What is the purpose of being alive if I can be a mommy. What is the purpose of being alive if I can't conceive. What is my purpose of life. What was the purpose of me going to school, doing everything like I was suppose to do. Find a husband, get married, if I can't have a baby. What is the purpose of life. What will I do when I'm 60 & all alone, no brothers, no sisters, no friends, no children. How will my husband love me, if I can't make any babies for him?? Who will take care of us when we age.
What is the purpose of LIFE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Waiting to Ovulate

Well I've been waiting to ovulate. I've had eggwhite fluid for 4 days now. I've also been having ovluation cramps. It's occuring later than normal. Hopefully when I wake up in the morning my temp goes up.
I pray that I get pregnant this cycle.
It will, I have faith.

Hope

Well my hubby told me he had a dream that I took a pregnancy test & it was positive.
So there is hope.
Today I'm on cycle day 13. I usually ovulate on 16, and have a 29 day cycle. So we are just waiting for ovulation now, and trying to time sex accordingly. I think this is the month. I pray this is the month for us to become parents.

Next month

Next month will be a year of me & my husband trying to have a baby. I never knew it would be so hard. In the beginning month after month I would get so depressed & cry about it, but this is reality. In November when my insurance changes I'm going to see a fertility specialist and get my husband and I tested.
This blog will be my therapeutic journal of just releasing my thoughts about this whole process.